I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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