i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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