Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
vagina is talking i cant
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
