I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
