You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
