yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
