He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
