Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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