Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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