On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
