It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
