Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
