I think my vagina is haunted
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
