Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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