this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
