theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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