I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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