I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
