girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
