shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
