We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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