so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
