i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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