Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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