Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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