Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
