My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
