im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
