the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
