I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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