i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
