if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
