I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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