So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wanna go halves on a baby?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
