She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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