i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
