I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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