worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
