youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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