Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
