i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize