you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
