I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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