i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's rum buckets o'clock
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
