sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
