Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
