Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
