Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize