i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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