When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
