I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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