I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
