Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
