God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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