yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
