we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
