He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
