it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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