Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
