apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize