How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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