My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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