is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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