I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
