my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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