My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
