Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
