I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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