Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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