Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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