I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
