So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
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The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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