I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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