His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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