do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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