how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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