Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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