so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
