That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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